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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

bowl, baby, bowl


"I have no plans to do movies at the moment. I am totally committed to my career as a cricketer. I know I am handsome but all the actresses can wait.”

-- Sreesanth, hailed as overexcited TV channels and following-in-their-footsteps newspaper cricket writers as the next best thing to Glenn McGrath.

Will someone ask the kid to please shut up and figure out how to bowl a proper length?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Six-pack or six packs? Pick your packs


There are six-packs, and there are six packs. Of cigarettes.
The former takes a lot off you. The latter, in the long run, we are told, takes a lot off you.
Mention six-packs even once, and I'll blow a fuse. I don't have one, and envy everyone who lays claims to such things on life. Mention six packs, and I'll blow a fuse. I don't smoke so many, and envy everyone who claim to have so much time as to light up those many.
Shah Rukh, we are told, is the latest one to flaunt six-packs. Johnnie Abraham, though, we are told again, is the original one to own one. Johnnie Abraham, we are told, is the latest advocate of six packs. Shah Rukh, though, was the original one to pack in the lights.
Bottom line? If you got the Will, go for six-packs. If you got the Wills, light it, moron.

Mr Rioter, you are in queue to pop a Q


Revisiting Gujarat. Good idea. Even better timing.
BJP-types in the media ask sneakily: Why now, just before elections?
I ask: Why not now, just before elections? Media hunts, media grunts. Why shouldn't the media haunt those who deserve to be haunted at a time most suited to build public opinion?

BJP-types ask: Why pull skeletons out of the cupboard?
I ask: Why not pull out skeletons from the cupboard when it is ready to be loaded afresh? Media lights the bulb, the bulb illuminates the dark. Don't we have a subject called history right from elementary school-level onwards?

BJP-type ask: Why always stake out 2002 Gujarat or 1992 Maharashtra riots?
I ask: What about Bhagalpur, or 1984 anti-Sikh pogrom, or even post-Partition?

BJP-types ask: Why not anything against governments associated with non-BJP parties ?
I ask: When did Bhagalpur happen? When did anti-Sikh pogrom happen? When did Bofors happen? When did 'chaara ghotala' happen? When did post_Partition, the mother of all killings, happen?

BJP-types ask: Why can't we let bygones be bygones and move ahead?
I say: Good point; and then ask (somehow questioning is one good bad habit of we humans): Why not let Ram, his mandir, his sethu, and his shastra be bygones just as well?

You ask your questions, I will ask mine. In that cross-questioning, may be, some answer will emerge some day. In the interim, let's put that foot down (ugh, change your stinking socks, mate) and keep redrawing the footmarks.

DISCLAIMER: The pic is from 1992 Bombay riots. The dead man's ghost saw many others ghosts born 10 years later.

Friday, August 24, 2007

A nation relieved




Didn’t shave. (For 23 days?)
Did he sit on the pot?
Shaved his head (On first of 23 days?)
Did he handle the toothbrush?
(A blog can’t give you more, over to the newspersons for more details)

Monday, August 20, 2007

Deal done 123 agreement lives on




The photo’s from PTI – survival strategy amid the floods in Midnapore, West Bengal. Me, my other and the tin boat. Or, 1 2 3. The nuclear deal be damned. Sixty years on, that’s India. Be ashamed, very ashamed.
(Logic nehin sikhata, faltu mein pride rakhna)

Friday, August 3, 2007

Raindrops are fallin’ on other heads


I was off yesterday. Yesterday was Thursday, August 2, 2007. A historic day indeed, as we are told by newspapers, courtesy the weather department. It rained 166.6 millimetres. The highest in 24 hours, we are told, since 1961.
I was sleeping through most of yesterday, courtesy an all-night drinking session at a friend’s place the night before. So I missed out on all the trouble, snag and the maze of mess when the city went “under water”, as the headline in Express Newsline said today.
I got an inkling of the problem early in the morning, though, while being driven back home from the friend’s place. The traffic snarls were huge even at that hour. But I liked the drive from south to east Delhi, through the Ring Road if I may add. It was pleasantly pleasant: overcast sky, a breeze that’s just about right, a constant drizzle at a constantly slowish-medium pace… the kind where you can throw your arm out the car window and see the raindrops take the paper off your just-lit cigarette. And before you eject that what-the-heck curse, you realise you have been had, by the drizzle: why in the name of sanity did you roll down the windowpane, stick out your arm, and who asked you to hold the cigarette in the left hand? You laugh off the three questions; there are no answers. You are, a) half-drunk; b) enjoying the drizzle getting set to throw the city out of gear in another hour or two; and c) not expected to groan and moan when under the spell of either a), or b), or both.
The rain, in want of a better expression, was divine (though I am always a few nautical miles west of religion). It was the kind of rain that in semi-parched Delhi you always seek. To give you a Mumbai or Kolkata feeling in this heartless metropolis.
And what happens after you seek it out? You curse it. Not directly, mind you, but by directing your curses and abuses to every one else. In authority or otherwise. From the municipality, government, sweepers, cleaners and politicians to the auto-wallahs, other car-wallahs, and right down to the non-working traffic lights holding up traffic. Wading through water and getting stuck on road? That’s downright downmarket. No one does that in Delhi. We just like it when Mumbai or Kolkata or Kochi does that -- on prime time TV news.
But let me not veer off track: I liked the rain, even though I do not like rain as such (read an earlier blog somewhere down the line here for more on those lines). I liked it possibly because I had no business to throw my comments around for the simple reason that I was on leave. But I still stick my neck out, and say I liked it.
Getting stuck is one of the reasons we are SUPPOSED to like the rain. And, from the super perch post of my balcony on Thursday evening, I liked it. Almost loved it.

(The picture is taken from PTI. It's by Gurinder Osan)

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

monday mayhem: Even I Worry About Harry


Okay, looks like India is ACTUALLY winning a Test match under Rahul Dravid. Not that it would subtract any bit from my irritation for men who are christened rahul, or surnamed dravid, or dubbed The Wall by fanatic fans, or all of them put together.
And now that I have made my link with Team India (that phrase calls for a toast from the galleria of cricket reporters) clear, I would better push towards newer territories. For, his 70-odd at Nottingham notwithstanding, I still feel Sourav Ganguly has lost the jigar and jasba for a fighting knock. Mistah, pls refer to earlier blog).
Newer territory of course means Harry Potter. No, I haven't become an overnight expert on Harry, or Potter, or JK, or Rowling. So here's a forward from a blog that landed on mailbox sometime late Sunday night; a time Subject was acutely busy getting peekay tight: “I read an article about this couple that will be leaving their wedding reception and going straight to the bookstore to get their copy of Harry Potter. Now, I'm no expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure that this is not what you're supposed to be doing on your wedding night."
Confession time: Saw this woman the other day. Could have fallen in love. Almost did. Right away. Then I saw a thick fat copy of Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows in (under?) her arm. And suddenly, her armpits began smelling, and she seemed a bit too loony to be walking around free for the safety of loonier creatures, and completely dys-political Me began colour-coding: Was she an underground, below-the-belt, illicit communist, tom-tomming a manifesto for the masses?
And just as suddenly I lost interest. So, miss in pink salwar suit carrying Potter copy tight under arms, if you happen to ever travel through and across this station on blogosphere, you know how Harry helps: It (He?) saved you, honey.