Status: Ready with shoe, target invisible

* ‘Educationist’ at Supreme Court judge
* Sikh journalist at Chidambaram
* Former schoolteacher at Naveen Jindal

All their claim to fame is of course the poor shoe. Talking of shoes and their throwers, heard the latest? Ever concerned about making the Commonwealth Games more successful, Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit has found a new event: footwear throw, on the lines of javelin and discus throw.
No it’s not funny, for given the level of performance of these new players on the block (B-negative, or below-par), there are serious doubts whether India can manage a medal even in this newly introduced sport.
But let Ms Dikshit worry about that. I am today concerned whether I could take a shot at the Games with that game -- to represent India, yaar, and make some money on the side by doing footwear commercials.
Anyway, given that I would need some target practice, I am zeroing in on some names. Only politicians volunteer, please, in this poll season:

# Gyanmohan Sing: For saying all of India loves Bush -- he forgot that a large chunk of the country now has proper sanitation, and does not need to go to the bushes to relieve themselves.
# Bhalu Prasad: For failing to come up with better antics; performances now seem like repeat telecasts in good ol’ Doordarshan
# Ayavati: For irritating the hell out of any TV viewer looking for some entertainment in news channels with her monotonous, read-out speeches
# Pee Chidamvram: For smiling his good-boy-look-at-me smile all day, all night. Just by the way, doesn’t he get bored?
# Bahul Andhi: For making boring speeches about all sorts of Kalavatis et al
# So-near Andhi: See above (generally for making boring speeches about Ayavati et al)
# Lal Keshto Sadvani: For a Chaha Chaudhary lookalike, he is too big (and bald) a bore
# Harendra Nodi: For failing to appreciate any Indian dish apart from theplas and dhoklas
# Aaj Thackarey: For vilifying Hindi-walas in a city largely driven by them
# Khamota Banerjee: For hating everything in and around sanity (arrey, some things, sometimes, are understood. But EVERYTHING? Ugh, someone tell her to go take a hike -- ta ta.)

No jokes, Shivraj writes memoirs (does he change shirt after every 1000 words?)

Shivraj Patil, it is reported, is writing his autobiography.
What’s interesting, he is reported to be dedicating half the book to his role as Home Minister in the Manmohan Singh government.
Roghto, reader, his “role” as the Home Minister!
Which brings us to the question: will half the book comprise empty pages?

So near yet so far(ce), says shoe after going past PC face

Note the date: April 7, 2009. New Delhi.
It’s historic because it’s the first time that an Indian journalist took a potshot -- literally -- at a Home Minister. Jarnail Singh, for the uninitiated even after hours of repeated footage of the hit-and-miss incident, is the Dainik Jagran journalist who threw a shoe at P Chidambaram.
In an exclusive interview, the shoe that missed the face but faced the nation bares its sole:


How does it feel to miss the Home Minister’s face?Just like the cricket ball out of an Indian fielder’s hands -- always missing targets. No, just kidding; on a serious note, I feel bad for Jarnail Singh because it just exposed what a hit-and-miss journalist he is. But on the positive side, it proves he can be a good television journalist -- wide off the mark!

What were you thinking when, after being hurled and in air, you were flying towards the Home Minister?
I was worried whether the insides of me smelt foul! You know, journalists are on their feet almost half the day, and you can imagine the fragrance once the shoes are off! But seriously, I blame Jarnail because he threw me in a fit of rage without thinking about my olfactory reputation.

Which personality’s face would you like to kiss?
Given half a chance I would do anything to stay off any feet that will walk all over me. It’s a weighty issue, but if staying off the feet means flying past faces, why not? To answer your query, being hurled at politicians gives me a certain mileage at this point of time, now that the IPL has gone off our shores. With every channel following everything to do with any neta, I can certainly face the nation with my sole intact.

Tell us a little more about your background.
Born into a leather family, I have always been up and running. My father was the classic leather -- all black, like the Kiwis, and immensely proud of it. He was a real secular: did not make any distinction on colour, make or brand identity. But given the state of the economy, with few people buying new shoes, my siblings and I grew up faster. So we are sneakers.

Lastly, do you see yourself as a competitor to the shoe that went past George Bush at Baghdad?
I think Jarnail did not do justice to my talent. His underarm throw was a little weak -- like Sourav Ganguly sometimes did while fielding at forward short-leg, missing the stumps from the shortest possible distance.

Shooting at Lankans in Lahore: After the shock, a joke

ISLAMABAD: Pakistan's minister of state for shipping Nabil Ahmed Gabol said India is behind the attack on Sri Lanka's cricket team in Lahore on Tuesday, saying the attackers had crossed into Pakistan from India.

"The evidence which we have got shows that these terrorists entered from across the border from India," Gabol told Geo News.

"This was a conspiracy to defame Pakistan internationally."

"This incident took place in reaction to 26/11," he said. It is a declaration of open war on Pakistan by India," said the minister.

...........................

NEW DELHI DESPATCH BY DESKTOP DIARIST: Can't blame the Pak minister, though. He is a subcontinental politician with a gigantic foot-in-mouth disease of subcontinental proportions.

Rocky Mountain & I

The closest I have been to Denver, Colorado is on the Internet.
I learnt the words “Rocky Mountain” through that John Denver song Rocky Mountain High.
I learnt there’s a newspaper called “Rocky Mountain News” obviously from the Internet -– and, boy, did they sometimes design great front pages! (that’s courtesy the newsuem site).
Today I learnt it’s no more.

For hospitality sector, there’s a fire. Due to no smoke

A friend working in the hotel industry tells me footfall (oh, that’s the number of customers in the amazing world of newspaper vagueness) has really gone down the drain. The reasons are obvious, as television reporters never tire of telling us: the scare phenomenon in the aftermath of the Mumbai terror attack in November (oops, sorry: “26/11”) and the economic slowdown.
Good enough reasons, I say. But one more reason here: Fuhrer Ramadoss’s diktat. I mean, the forced no-smoking signs inside restaurants, bars and pubs. Many, like me for instance, have simply stopped going out for a meal and a drink or three due to that human excreta of an order. But hey, aren’t many industries and sectors getting economic sops in this season of gloom?
So, here’s an idea for the hospitality sector: petition our esteemed health minister to withdraw the ban on smoking at eateries and drinking dens, temporarily at least. After all, extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures, Fuhrer Ramadoss.

Why PC likes Slumdog

The film Slumdog Millionaire has found an unusual fan: PC Chidambaram. Yes, him of raise-the-tax-for-middle-class motto. India’s new Home Minister and forever-Finance Minister, as reports PTI, sees the film as elevating: he feels it showcases the entrepreneurial talents of slum dwellers in India. “Please watch the movie after its release," he said on Jan 24, a day after the film was released in theatres across the country.
“A slum like Dharavi in Mumbai is humming with business ideas and innovations and we have to reach to such people also… (A) lot of young men and women in slums have the necessary qualities of being innovative and are willing to take risk to carry out a business venture.”
No doubt, Mr Chidambaram. But what “innovative ideas” and “necessary qualities” do we see among the slum dwellers in the film?
Besides a man with a telescopic memory for all things that has screwed up his life, let’s see:
# in your childhood, how to con people
# in youth, how to con people
# in adulthood, how to con people
And, somewhere along the way, how to shoot a gun and join a gang.
Simple. And uncomplicated.
Good business sense and skill? You bet! Little wonder, his motto is raise the tax for the middle class.