The temperature outside is in the mid-30s, and the humidity would, if I decide to take a walk for an hour or so, make me a photograph on the wall, and I welcome the new year. The Bangla new year, that is. Now don’t misunderstand me. I am no Anglophone, I speak Bangla perfectly well without even a hint of accent, and I NEVER go out for a walk for about an hour. Not if the weather and humidity was the at its Spring best (or whatever time of the year it is supposed to be at its best for a one-hour walk), and not even if you put a gun on my head and ask me to walk for an hour.
The point is, if you are holding a gun with the intention to kill me if I don’t walk for the said one hour, you might as well pull the trigger. For, I would die anyway after walking for an hour; so why tire myself out before turning into a photograph?
But let me come to the point straightaway: it’s a new year, even if the temperature outside is in the mid-30s and the sweltering weather would kill me if I go out for an hour’s walk. And it’s still a new year even if I don’t know anyone who follows the dates in the calendar that says a fresh year begins on April 14 (okay Baisakh 1).
Anyway, dear reader, now that I have your attention with all that claptrap (I have to have it, if you have come this far), I have a wish-list for the new year. Here we go:
1. I wish I had loads of ‘Bangla’ (local country liquor, as they are called in both sides) and passed out. Wouldn’t have to do any work for the rest of the day, and better part of tomorrow.
2. I wish I was an employee of Bangladesh government. Wouldn’t have to work for three days. And since we are at it, and there’s no stopping me, I wish I could cross the border and become employee of the Indian government on the fourth day -- then I would get the Sunday off as well.
3. I wish I was in school. Then I could have had all these holidays, and then not have to work even after the holidays got over.
4. I wish I was a cricketer, playing the IPL, and day-night ODIs for my country. Then I wouldn’t do anything all day and then play at night. But strictly ODIs, and strictly day-nighters, since I hate to sign autographs during the day. That’s also work.
5. I wish I was a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Then I would be millionaire and never have to work. For peace, you see, is never enforceable; so I do not need tgo work after collecting the prize and the cheque.
6. Now, how about being a writer? I would think all day, and then think back all night whether all that I thought all day could be written down.
7. I wish I was a lawyer. I would then enjoy all the sarkari holidays and then ask for extension on my case whenever the next working day comes. And if I am the judge as well, I would set the next date of hearing in the next new year, which, you see, would again be a holiday.
8. I wish I was a celebrity. Then I could celebrate my existence by declaring that I would not be party to any party that celebrates my and fellow celebrities’ existence.
9. I wish I was an actor. Then I could act hurt even on working days and not go for shoots.
10. I wish tomorrow was also a holiday.
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