Why Mumbai didn't vote, and why it's good

A day after The Big Polls in Mumbai, it was a shock this morning to see newspapers toe the news channels, their imbecile yet upmarket country cousins, in blaming poor Mumbaikars for not turning out in droves and jam all roads leading to polling booths.
Barkha Dutt to Kiron (writer unsure about the number of Rs or Ks in her same, so seeks pardon) Kher in The Buck Stops Here on NDTV: Why do you think Bollywood’s appeal to Mumbai to come out and vote failed?
Poor Dutt! As if we Indians listen to even our own conscience, let alone our parents, forget about some filmstars showing us the finger! Get some brains, Ms Dutt.

Hindustan Times (Delhi edition) headline, with some seriously high-blown 72-points (that’s an inch in size): “All talk, no vote”
The shoulder strap, in mercifully smaller size, says: “Despite 26/11, candle-light vigils and voter campaigns, Mumbai stays home”
I believe the guys at HT thought the poor readers in the Capital would have gone insane and would miss the issue after all this emotional atyachar, so they put the ‘Mumbai stays home’ bit in red for effect.
Now, now, why did those Mumbaikars take out candle-light vigils and talk loudly against everyone and his/her uncle? Because they felt the rage literally come out in smoke from their noses, and they felt threatened after being targetted like only poor (not economically but generally, meaning everyone and her uncle) Indians have ever been. So what is the connection between talking about your right to safety after you have paid all dues, taxes etc and been good citizens, and going to the pooling booth and vote?
Simple answer: Nothing. Not for the media, though.
Give me a break, even I would have floundered for a choice given the options. A filmstar’s daughter who perhaps never brought up an issue of importance in five years in Parliament (Priya Dutt); a goonda from a goondas’ party (Ram Naik), a chor and a turncoat, among other things (Sanjay Nirupam); a rich man sporting good clothes and shades with no clue about the basic issues of a Mumbaikar (Milind Deora).
And these are just four candidates from across the spectrum. I would have given the polling a skip had I been living in any part of Mumbai, as I would do even on May 7 when Ghaziabad goes to polls.
Let us please not confuse the Good Citizen bit with voting, which, as the Constitution puts it, is a right that I may or MAY NOT opt to use. I, and I believe most of the “57% voters (who) skip the ballots” in Mumbai (headline in DNA newspaper), are good citizens and ‘nationalists’ to the core: we pay taxes on time, we pay all our dues, we pay power water and all other bills (sometimes a little late, but with a penalty!), we do not bribe or accept bribe, we genuinely try to be nice folks and not harass, abuse or slaughter people in riots…
That last one was a 69-worder of a sentence, and Microsoft Word is showing a green line -- for a “long sentence”. It’s time to pause. Take a deep breath. And go on living with pride, as it always has been.
Let the imbecile mediamen/women do their imbecile things in spare moments. We Indians are a forgiving, and forgetting, lot.

Mumbai shows the middle finger to polls. Really?

Why are they marking the middle finger in mumbai, and the index finger (as we have all known since ages) in other parts, say lucknow?

Manmohan: Rahul-baba zindabad

Manmohan Singh: "Rahul Gandhi has all the qualities to be a good Prime Minister."

Question: What does Manmohan Singh know about good premiership?

Status: Ready with shoe, target invisible

* ‘Educationist’ at Supreme Court judge
* Sikh journalist at Chidambaram
* Former schoolteacher at Naveen Jindal

All their claim to fame is of course the poor shoe. Talking of shoes and their throwers, heard the latest? Ever concerned about making the Commonwealth Games more successful, Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit has found a new event: footwear throw, on the lines of javelin and discus throw.
No it’s not funny, for given the level of performance of these new players on the block (B-negative, or below-par), there are serious doubts whether India can manage a medal even in this newly introduced sport.
But let Ms Dikshit worry about that. I am today concerned whether I could take a shot at the Games with that game -- to represent India, yaar, and make some money on the side by doing footwear commercials.
Anyway, given that I would need some target practice, I am zeroing in on some names. Only politicians volunteer, please, in this poll season:

# Gyanmohan Sing: For saying all of India loves Bush -- he forgot that a large chunk of the country now has proper sanitation, and does not need to go to the bushes to relieve themselves.
# Bhalu Prasad: For failing to come up with better antics; performances now seem like repeat telecasts in good ol’ Doordarshan
# Ayavati: For irritating the hell out of any TV viewer looking for some entertainment in news channels with her monotonous, read-out speeches
# Pee Chidamvram: For smiling his good-boy-look-at-me smile all day, all night. Just by the way, doesn’t he get bored?
# Bahul Andhi: For making boring speeches about all sorts of Kalavatis et al
# So-near Andhi: See above (generally for making boring speeches about Ayavati et al)
# Lal Keshto Sadvani: For a Chaha Chaudhary lookalike, he is too big (and bald) a bore
# Harendra Nodi: For failing to appreciate any Indian dish apart from theplas and dhoklas
# Aaj Thackarey: For vilifying Hindi-walas in a city largely driven by them
# Khamota Banerjee: For hating everything in and around sanity (arrey, some things, sometimes, are understood. But EVERYTHING? Ugh, someone tell her to go take a hike -- ta ta.)

No jokes, Shivraj writes memoirs (does he change shirt after every 1000 words?)

Shivraj Patil, it is reported, is writing his autobiography.
What’s interesting, he is reported to be dedicating half the book to his role as Home Minister in the Manmohan Singh government.
Roghto, reader, his “role” as the Home Minister!
Which brings us to the question: will half the book comprise empty pages?

So near yet so far(ce), says shoe after going past PC face

Note the date: April 7, 2009. New Delhi.
It’s historic because it’s the first time that an Indian journalist took a potshot -- literally -- at a Home Minister. Jarnail Singh, for the uninitiated even after hours of repeated footage of the hit-and-miss incident, is the Dainik Jagran journalist who threw a shoe at P Chidambaram.
In an exclusive interview, the shoe that missed the face but faced the nation bares its sole:


How does it feel to miss the Home Minister’s face?Just like the cricket ball out of an Indian fielder’s hands -- always missing targets. No, just kidding; on a serious note, I feel bad for Jarnail Singh because it just exposed what a hit-and-miss journalist he is. But on the positive side, it proves he can be a good television journalist -- wide off the mark!

What were you thinking when, after being hurled and in air, you were flying towards the Home Minister?
I was worried whether the insides of me smelt foul! You know, journalists are on their feet almost half the day, and you can imagine the fragrance once the shoes are off! But seriously, I blame Jarnail because he threw me in a fit of rage without thinking about my olfactory reputation.

Which personality’s face would you like to kiss?
Given half a chance I would do anything to stay off any feet that will walk all over me. It’s a weighty issue, but if staying off the feet means flying past faces, why not? To answer your query, being hurled at politicians gives me a certain mileage at this point of time, now that the IPL has gone off our shores. With every channel following everything to do with any neta, I can certainly face the nation with my sole intact.

Tell us a little more about your background.
Born into a leather family, I have always been up and running. My father was the classic leather -- all black, like the Kiwis, and immensely proud of it. He was a real secular: did not make any distinction on colour, make or brand identity. But given the state of the economy, with few people buying new shoes, my siblings and I grew up faster. So we are sneakers.

Lastly, do you see yourself as a competitor to the shoe that went past George Bush at Baghdad?
I think Jarnail did not do justice to my talent. His underarm throw was a little weak -- like Sourav Ganguly sometimes did while fielding at forward short-leg, missing the stumps from the shortest possible distance.

Shooting at Lankans in Lahore: After the shock, a joke

ISLAMABAD: Pakistan's minister of state for shipping Nabil Ahmed Gabol said India is behind the attack on Sri Lanka's cricket team in Lahore on Tuesday, saying the attackers had crossed into Pakistan from India.

"The evidence which we have got shows that these terrorists entered from across the border from India," Gabol told Geo News.

"This was a conspiracy to defame Pakistan internationally."

"This incident took place in reaction to 26/11," he said. It is a declaration of open war on Pakistan by India," said the minister.

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NEW DELHI DESPATCH BY DESKTOP DIARIST: Can't blame the Pak minister, though. He is a subcontinental politician with a gigantic foot-in-mouth disease of subcontinental proportions.